There is an email that has been in my Drafts folder for two years.
It’s a message I never finished. One that I intended to send, but just never got around to doing.
I had received an email from a friend in May of 2012, shortly after my grandmother’s funeral. It was a message of love and kindness and I was grateful to receive it. And I started a reply.
But I was going through some pretty severe depression at the time. The worst depression of my life, actually, and finishing an email was just too much work. I kept putting it off.
And then I thought that instead of an email, I would call and say hello. We hadn’t talked in a month or two and it seemed like a nicer thing than just sending a not-so-quickly-dashed-off response.
But I never made that phone call either.
And then, on August 11, 2012, my friend Jason died. The circumstances surrounding his death are horrible and totally beside the point.
The point is, he died.
And I never sent that email that I had started to write.
I was cleaning out my email one day, a few months after and I thought about deleting it. After all, it’s not like I could send it. It was just sitting there.
But as the mouse hovered over the delete button, I stopped myself. I decided to keep it.
I keep it as a reminder not to put things off. To remember that if I want to reach out to someone, I need to do it right away. Because you never know when it could be too late.
Maybe this is a depressing thought. Maybe it seems sad that I keep that unfinished draft and look at it every so often. But it doesn’t make me sad. Instead, it makes me grateful that he was my friend, and it reminds me to stay close to my friends. Instead of sad and depressing, I feel uplifted by it.
I still wish I had sent that message. I wish I’d taken the opportunity to tell him how much his friendship meant to me. But I don’t have to make the same mistake again.