I’ve spent the past couple of months feeling better than I have in years.
Such a relief to finally feel something other than lousy all the time.
It’s interesting that this turn has come now when my therapist and I are working through some really horrible things that I’ve held onto for a really long time.
But, I don’t question it. I just go with it.
And I’m feeling pretty good these days.
So good, in fact, that I talked to my psychiatrist at my last appointment about thinking about a time frame for cutting back on the medications so that I can eventually go off of them completely.
(We also talked about my excessively long and poorly constructed sentences.)
His response wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.
But…whatever. So I will probably be on some form of medication for pretty much always, but it doesn’t matter. Because I feel like I can be a normal person now. And that’s the whole point, I suppose.
There was a time when the idea of medication scared me. I thought it meant I was somehow a failure or that I was too weak to handle my own problems. I know better now.
I know that sometimes there are things that can’t be fixed just by talking about them.
And they certainly can’t be fixed by ignoring them and pretending they aren’t there.
Brain chemistry is such a bitch. And sometimes the only way to put it in its place is by medicating it into submission.
Which is precisely what I’m doing. And if I have to keep doing it forever, then so be it. Diabetics need insulin. I need anti-depressants. That’s just how it is.
I’m not saying this is the answer for everyone, because I know it’s not. Depression is a very personal thing and everyone has a different way of handling it. But if you’ve been depressed for a really long time and nothing seems to be working, it might be worth a shot, eh?
Because, let me tell you, I would much rather be on medication for life than feel the way I did even just a year ago.
It feels good to feel good.